I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
