The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
