i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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