My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
