And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
