you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
