We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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