okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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