oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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