just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
