It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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