i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
