Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
