if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She told me I should be a condom model.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
