you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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