Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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