Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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