The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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