just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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