i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
