All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
