when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
how does that bad decision feel?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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