After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
