Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
