Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
