big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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