what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
