no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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