We're facebook friends in real life
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
