Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
