So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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