I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
