you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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