I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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