so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
