The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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