I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
