she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
