allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
