Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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