some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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