whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
