Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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