Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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