theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
