But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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