I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
