i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
