i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
