You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
