He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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