you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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