if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
