You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
