Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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