Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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