The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
