No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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