He is an equal opportunity slut.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
