I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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