why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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