On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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