he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
