you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
