I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
the raccoons are back...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
