I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
