He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
