Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
