how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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