New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
