I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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