If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
