In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
