So drunk its hurt
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
